Brazzers

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TheBrazzersnetworkisprobablythemostwidelyrecognizednameinporntoday.Evenifyou'rejustacasualpornviewer(andweknowyou'renot,youfuckingpervert),you'veprobablyheardofBrazzers.They'reknownforofferingsomeofthehighestqualitycontent,thesexiestpornstars,andwell-executedextendedscenes.Italsoprobablydoesn'thurtthattheyseemtohaveadspacelikealmosteveryfreepornsiteontheweb.Brazzerswaslaunchedin2005byagroupofinvestorsinMontrealandhassincebecomeasubsidiaryoftheMindgeekGroup,placingthemalongsideothergiantsoftheadultvideoworld,PornhubandRedtube.Brazzershasbuiltquiteareputationforitself,winningmultipleAVN(AdultVideoNews)awardseveryyearsince2009.AmongtheirmanyaccoladesareBestAdultSite,BestNewVideoProductionCompany,BestBigTits(BigTitsforSchool),BestMembershipSite,andBestArtDirection(StormKing).You'dbehard-pressedtofindamoreconsistentlytop-notchmembershipnetworktoday.I’vebeencuriousandwantedtoseeformyselfwhatallthehypewasabout,soIfinallydecidedtosubscribe.TherearealotofthingsthatBrazzersdoeswell,andtherearealsosomethingsthatIwishsuchahigh-profilepremiumpornsitedidbetter.Sowithoutfurtherado,let’sgetdowntobusiness.CanaPornSiteGiveYouBlueBalls?There'sacertainsenseofexcitementwhenloggingintoanewpaidpornsiteforthefirsttime,especiallyoneasreputableasBrazzers.However,whenIenteredmyusernameandpasswordandcompletedthesillylittlerecaptchatest(Whichimagescontainbuses?Ihavenofuckingidea,Brazzers;Whichimagescontaintightpussies?Canyoutellme?),IwasredirectedtoaportalinsteadoftheBrazzershomepage.Theyimmediatelytriedtosellmemoreshit--bundleswithotherstudioslikeRealityKings,Mofos,andDigitalPlayground--andtherewasaconfusinglistofgenericcategorychannelsformetochoosefrom.TherewasaLatinochannel,aTeenchannel,aTittyFuckchannel.Confusedandquicklylosingmyhard-on,IclickedontheTeenchannel,thinkingmaybethat'showBrazzersorganizestheircontent.Notreally.InsteadoftakingmetoallthesexyteenvideosBrazzershastooffer,theyarealreadytryingtosellmesomethingelse.Theyactuallywantmetopayanother$60tounlockthischannel.Areyoufuckingkiddingme?Ijustsignedupforayear'ssubscriptionat$10amonth,that's$120andyoualreadywantmoreofmymoney?Ohmygod,calmdown,yougreedyguys.Afterclickingthroughafewmoreoftheseshittychannels,Ifinallynoticedthelittlemenubaratthetopofthesite.Inadditionto"Channels,"therewasadrop-downmenuof"Sites,"allofwhichwerealsolockedawayandrequiredextramoneytoview.Finally,Ihoveredover"Networks."Bythistime,Iwascompletelyrelaxed,andinanotherdrop-downmenu,therewasalinktoBrazzers.Well,great,nowIcanfindsomegreatvideostowatchwithoutinterruption.OrsoIthought.WhileIwashappythatIsuccessfullyfoundtheofficialBrazzerswebsiteandallitscontent,therewerestillmoretiedupads!ForthepriceIpaid,that’sallIneeded!ForthepriceIpaid,Ishouldatleastbeabletowatchmyporninpeace,don’tyouthink?Badfirstimpression,Brazzers.Stepupyourfuckinggame.Moreads?ButyoualreadyhavemymoneyIwasalsonotimpressedwiththelayoutanddesignofthesite.Twoverticalbanneradsarewhatthey'repushingheavilythisweek.Iaccidentallyclickedontherightsideofthescreenandwastakento--notevenafullvideo,mindyou--theseasonfinaletrailerforBrazzersHouse,whichstillhas9days,11hours,36minutes,and50secondsuntilitcomesout(accordingtotheadditionalcountdownclockatthetopofthepage).Whoknewpayingforpornwouldactuallymakeithardertoactuallywatchsomefuckingporn?Belowandinthemiddleofalltheobnoxiousadsonthehomepagearesomevideos.Emphasizethatword,"some."Idon'tknowaboutyou,butIwishasitelikeBrazzerswouldmakeactualwatchablecontentitsmainfocus.It'snot.Instead,youhavethreecategorieswithfourvideoseach:"LatestScenes,""ThisWeek'sMostPopular,"and"UpcomingScenes."Toseemorethanfourvideosineachcategory,youhavetoclicktoanotherpage.Belowthosethreelittlesections,thehomepagealsohaslinksto"BrazzersLiveCams,""RecentlyActivePornstars,"and"OurPartners[TechnicallyAnotherFuckingAd]."Idecidedtocheckoutthelivecams,curioustoseeifanyoftheirpornstarshavebeenonlivecams.Butwait,whatisthat?AnotherfeatureBrazzersischargingmeextrafor?NowI'mpissed.Okay,nowwe'restarting?Maybe?I'vealreadywasted15minutestryingtofindwhereallthesegreatpornBrazzersareapparentlyhiding.Igobacktothehomepageagainandtrymyluckwith"LatestScenes".Well,nowitlookslikewe'regettingsomewhere.Therearestillwaytoomanyadsabove,onthesides,andbelowthesearchresults,butatleastthistimeIcanchoosebetweenmorethanfourfuckingvideos.There'sanicefilterfeatureabovethesearchresultswhereIcanorganizescenesbyreleasedate,rating,mostviews,title,or"I'mfeelinghorny"whichIguessshufflesthedeck.Idon'tknow,Idon'treallyknowwhatthatdoes.Icanalsofilterbymodelnameortag(tagscanalsobecombinedwitheachotherwhichisprettycool).Ah,let'sgo...Iwouldsaythatthecontentis100%whatit'sdescribedas.YoucantellthattheguysatBrazzersrespectpornandconsideritanartform.Theydon'tjustslapcheapfilthdownforthelowestcommondenominator.Theirvideosareofgreatproductionquality,thecinematographyisthoughtful,andthewomenarejustfuckinggorgeous.OnethingIparticularlylikeaboutBrazzers’contentisthatthey’recontinuingthetraditionofnarrative-basedporn.Intoday’sageofmasspornconsumption,theemphasisonstorylinesinpornseemstobefadingalittle.Thankfully,though,therearestillqualitystudioslikeBrazzerkeepingitalive.Sometimesit’snicetohavealittlebackstorytohelpyouimmerseyourselfinyourfantasy.SometimesIdon’twanttosimplyfuckatightasshole;sometimesIwanttoknowthatthetightassholeI’mfuckingbelongstomybitchgirlfriend’shotroommateaftershe’sdonesomeyogainfrontofme.ThecontentonBrazzersissoeasytogetcaughtupinthestories.Ifyoudon'tcarewhothetightassholebelongsto,don'tworry,Brazzershasplentyoffaster-paced,morevoluptuousscenestoo.Isthisworthpayingfor?Withallofthisinmind,wecometotheultimatequestion:isBrazzersworthspendingmoneyon?Well,that'satrickierquestionthanitseemsatfirstglance.Sure,there'ssomeawesome,high-qualitycontentthatyou'regrantedaccesstowheneverit'sreadyforrelease;but,ontheotherhand,whatyougetforyourmoneydoesn'tquiteseemtoliveuptothemassiveamountofhypethatsurroundsthisstudio.WhileIcanappreciatepayingforagreatproductratherthansettlingforsubparcheap(orfree)content,IwillsaythatpayingforaBrazzerssubscriptionistotallyworthit!MybiggestadvicetoBrazzersisthis:stoptryingtosellmemorestuffwhenyoualreadyhavemydamnmoney.Greedyfuckingcumsippers.Oh,andpleaseimprovethelayoutandnavigationofyoursite.Youhaveareputation,startdoingthatoutsideofyourcontenttoo.Atthispoint,IthinkI'llprobablybeswipingawayalotofswipingonBrazzers(oftenmisspelledas"brazers,""brazzars,""berazzers,""brazzera,""brezzers,"and"brazzerz")overthenextfewmonthstomakesureI'mgettingmymoney'sworth.Infact,IthinkI'mgoingtodoitrightnow.Happyswiping,assholes!

Brazzers

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